In A Fleshy Tomb, I Am Buried Above Ground
by EternityAwaitsMe
Summary: If Edward didn't come back in New Moon Bella is left with only two choices. Live without Edward or do the unthinkable. Commit Suicide. *possible character death*
1. The End

**Disclaimer: I…Own…Nothing. Nada..zip..zilch (is zilch a word?) **

**Summary:**

**When Edward doesn't return in New Moon (I do know this idea is done. About a million times, I might as well do it at least once.) Bella is faced with 2 options. Try to live in a world without Edward or any of the Cullens; or she could do the unthinkable. Commit Suicide. Here is my take on the situation… Bella POV and E/B**

_Dear Edward_

_When I think back over the time that we were together what you did to me starts to make sense. It's obvious now, I was smothering you. Whenever you were with me, you were forced to protect me from danger._

_An angel like you shouldn't be stuck protecting a meek, useless creature like me. It was only a matter of time before you got fed up and left. I realize this now. Now I'm going to let you go Edward. It's time for me to free you from your commitment._

_After today you will never have to worry about me tripping in front of a bus or falling down a flight of stairs to my demise. Although, you probably don't even worry about me anymore. Knowing you, you've already found someone else to distract you from your never ending existence. She's probably prettier than me isn't she? It's not hard to find somebody prettier than me though._

_If she isn't already a vampire Edward, please change her. That's all I want for you. I need you to be happy. And your obviously not happy here, forced to protect me, like a pseudo Lancelot._

_You're probably never going to read this letter Edward. That's ok. I'd rather write it, pour out my love for you on a piece of paper that will never be read, and will most likely decompose and waste away before you even think about me again. That's better than never releasing these emotions. And by releasing my emotions, my life I'm really just releasing you._

_And if Alice has seen this, hopefully she won't try to stop me. She knows what I've been living through these past 6 months. It's my decision to make, my choice, and my life to spend however I wish._

_You know what the sick thing is Edward? That paper cut that I got that nearly killed me at my birthday? It's going to be nothing compared to this next cut. The last cut._

_Dying used to seem so far away, something that didn't need to be worried about. I'm still now worried Edward. I've realized that it's a release from pain, not the cause of pain. It's time for me to say goodbye. It's past time for me to die. We all know that I was supposed to die when Tyler's van went speeding out of control; I'm just helping out fate._

_I love you,_

_ Bella_

After I finished writing my letter, I folded it nicely and put it in my envelope. Buying all those envelopes and paper was pretty expensive. Who knew that 1900's style stationary was so expensive? Oh well. It's not like I need money where I'm going.

I think that I have some of the greatest timing. Right after I finished writing my letters, the tub was full of water. Slowly, I undressed, right down to my blue underwear and bra. It's ironic really; this color is the color Edward liked best on me. Soon it will be intermingling with the other thing Edward liked best about me, my blood.

Thank goodness Charlie had decided to remodel the bathroom. Instead of that old style shower we used to have, we've got a totally Victorian style bathroom. The perfect setting for my suicide.

But before I get on with it, I've got to set the stage. First I'll light the candles, and then I'll turn on the CD. Who knew that Evanescence would match my mood exactly? Amy Lee really is phenomenal. Which song should I use, Tourniquet, perfect! Well really this CD isn't all Evanescence; it's got some of the best suicide songs on here, like Loreena Mckennit. I've got a new obsession with her beautiful and haunting style.

After that's started, I'll just slip into my bath; ice cold, a perfect match to Edward. Now, where's that knife; oh yeah, in my hand where I left it. Raising my right hand I slowly draw its thick, sharp blade across my pale skin. Following the path I carved with my knife is a bright trail of crimson blood. At first it comes slowly, but when adrenaline kicks in and sets my heart racing it nearly pours out.

Quickly, I do the same to my left hand before the strength goes out with my blood. The water is slowly changing color from a clear, sparkling, translucent liquid to a murky reddish mix.

Before my strength fully gives out I settle more deeply into the crimson water, wrists facing up. As I slowly fade into black I quietly say "I love you Edward, Be happy wherever you are", and with that I'm gone.

**Now with a happy ending like that, should I continue or should Bella die? I'm not sure, I almost have a plan. Let me know if you think it's good, crap or if I should continue or not. Really I'm a terrible judge of my own work. If you guys could help me out, I love constructive criticism....*wink* *wink* *hint* *hint* *nudge* *nudge***


	2. The Vision

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Unfortunately. If I did own Twilight, I probably would be rich right now and not doing this when I should be doing my accounting. Oh well. On with the story…**

**Alice POV**

_Bella lay in the bloody, murky water, her heart no longer beating and her once deep beautiful chocolate brown eyes forever closed. A quiet knocking could be heard, and a hesitant query of :_

"_Bella? Are you in there? Bella, answer me!" What Charlie didn't know was that Bella would never answer him again. I watched in helpless fascination as he opened the door and saw his daughter, drained of her lifes blood in the bath tub. _

_He grabbed at the tub, sinking to his knees as he continued to cry out her name. "BELLA! This isn't funny! Open your eyes, please" Those last words you could hardly hear as he was sobbing too loudly. With one last cry, his weak heart, finally gave out. _

_Father and daughter lay dead in their bathroom._

"No!" I screamed as I came out of the vision. Jasper was sitting beside me, and obviously feeling my distress tried to comfort me.

"Honey, what's wrong? Is it Edward? Has something happened to Bella?" he asked, probably blaming himself because he still thought it was his fault that Edward had left Bella.

"It's not Edward, it's Bella!" I cried "She's going to kill herself! And when she does Charlie will find her, and he'll have a heart attack!" With that said I ran out of the room, past a freaking out Emmett and a surprisingly agitated Rosalie.

I jumped into Carlisle's car, because he was the one who had the fullest tank and pealed out of the parking lot for the hotel room we were staying at because we hadn't found a house yet. Thank god I had decided to stay in Seattle, close enough to Bella to save her if she was in danger. But was I close enough to save her from herself?

**AHAHAHAHA! Slight cliff hanger. Who doesn't love those? Anyways, I'll be updating next week cause I'm not home this weekend. Probably around Tuesday or Wednesday. **


	3. The Journey

**Disclaimer : Still not mine…If it was I would have made the premiere of the Twilight Movie in Yorkton, Saskatchewan…then I would have seen it by now. **

**Authors Note: Ok…I'm a little slow. I totally forgot to update and I feel like an arse hole. Without further preamble and me feeling sorry for myself…here is the 3****rd**** chapter!**

**Emmett POV**

Every time I start doing something relaxing Bella somehow ends up in trouble. I wonder if I never ever started to chill, maybe she wouldn't get herself into these pickles.

"Bella", I thought to myself, " you really need to start thinking these things through, or course Edward is an idiot, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you." I guess Alice could tell that I was thinking about Edward so she, being a nice sister and all; decided to give me a nice dig in the ribs.

"Alice you are lucky that Rosalie is hunting and that I can come with you! There is no one else available right now, and…." That glare scared me. You just don't expect to be scared by someone who isn't even 5 feet tall but Alice scares me sometimes.

"Emmett Mcarthy Cullen!" uh-oh, last names never mean good things. "Are you saying that because I'm annoying you that your going to go back home and leave Bella to die?"

"No! That's not what I meant Alice! I was just saying; I mean I didn't mean; I, I, I…I'll shut up now." Jeez, that little pixie really doesn't seem to understand that I could never let Bella die like that. She's my little sister, without her I couldn't make fun of Edward as much and our family just wasn't right without Bella.

It looked like she was about to say something but we were almost in Forks. Thank god Alice had that bright idea to stay in Seattle. If we weren't here, I don't even want to think about what could have happened; and what might still happen if we couldn't control ourselves or we were too late.

We had to stay off the main roads because I'm supposed to be in Africa and Alice is supposed to be in Las Vegas. Yeah right, if Alice was ever in Las Vegas it wouldn't be a good thing.

Besides having to stay off of the main roads, Bella's house appeared in front of us very quickly. I've been there countless times so it's not like I'm going to forget it.

Bella's scent was very prominent in this part of town, and it got even stronger the closer we got to her house. It must have been because of all the extra blood that was loose.

Once we were right under her window I could still faintly hear Bella's heart. AS long as it was beating there was still a chance we could save here. I just don't know if she's going to be staying human. Edward is going to be so pissed with us, well he'll only be pissed if Bella survives, if she doesn't; I don't think he'll be around long enough for us to know his feelings.

Alice went in through the window first, slowly to keep the hinges from creaking because we didn't want to alert Charlie. It seemed like this window hadn't been opened in a while.

After I had gotten all the way through the window and had a chance to look around I was shocked. If I hadn't known that this was Bella's room I would never have known it. It looked like a guest room. No, it was worse that a guest room; I've seen hotel rooms with more personality than this room.

What had Edward's and our leaving really done to her? Alice had never really told me about all of the visions she had, so I never really knew how bad it was. This is a lot worse than I thought. Edward is going to have to have huge amounts of explaining to do.

Still in the lead, Alice went to open the bathroom door; and what I saw inside there would never be erased from my mind no matter how long I live.

**A/N: Can you believe I would leave that chapter like that? How evil of me! That was actually the worst chapter of the story…no offence to myself but that sucked. Oh well, it was mainly meant to just be filler. I needed a transition chapter and I thought Emmett would be the best for that. Hmm…I need to work on writing on Emmett's POV. Maybe a random one-shot could help my Emmetteyness. Anyway, I'll update sooner this time..I promise! By the way, review make me dance…and it looks funny! *giggle***

**Ok. Here's a small possible tid-bit for the next chapter. It might not be in there but it's in the same voice of the chapter and if I don't use this little nugget it'll be in a later chapter:**

"**Bella?" A small voice whispered inside my head, too quiet for me to identify but too loud for me to ignore.**


	4. Flashback

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except for Zorgloff. Whose Zorgloff? You'll see…..just you wait.**

**A/N – I'm sorry for not updating…um…I blame the rabid squirrels. Ok, now up to this point my story kinda followed New Moon, only thing Bella obviously doesn't try to kill herself there. But with a few tweaks it could have had exactly the same ending as New Moon. BUT! I've decided to be a strange little duckling. Also what I'm doing only slightly contradicts with the whole rest of the storyline, just pretend for a little while that Eclipse and Breaking Dawn don't exist, cause otherwise I may get some not nice reviews…On with ze chaptere! (that was a French accent by the way) **

**Bella POV – 4 Months Before**

This time without, him is slowly killing me. Not only do I have to literally hold myself together any time I try to think about them but now I've got these awful cramps. That might just be my period though. But this is the wrong time for it. Oh well, I've been used to living in pain for a while now. I don't need any help for it.

Maybe it's time to go to the doctor, it's slowly getting worse. I'll just have to go find my keys. Wait, what day is it today? I think that it is Friday because Jessica was saying something about going out with Mike again, I don't know. I never really pay attention any more.

Ever since, well since after my ill-fated birthday party Charlie had been making excuses to stay away from home so I didn't have to worry about him asking me where I was going. He probably couldn't stand being in the same room as me anymore, after that day I don't think that I was very much fun company.

I was taken away from my morbid thoughts as I finally found my keys, they were on the key rack. Who would have thought?

**A/N - The authors note at the top is still right BUT I'm splitting it up into 3 chapters. Otherwise it's too long…But they will all be up around the same time. **

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	5. The Doctor

**Disclaimer – I still own nothing. **

**Dr. Snow POV – A/N I don't remember if Dr. Snow is girl or guy, so she's a girl in this.**

As I wearily added another completed folder to the stack of clinic medical folders, I toyed with the idea of leaving early. Ever since Dr. Cullen and his family had left my case load had been getting bigger and bigger. If only Esme hadn't wanted to try living in Los Angeles for a while everything would be good.

I'm going to do one more case and then go home. Maybe my husband will give me a backrub when I get home, wait he can't he has to work late tonight. Oh, this one should be interesting. Isabella (Bella) Marie Swan, she probably fell down again. I wonder if she broke any bones this time. One of these days she'll give Charlie a heart attack.

"Excuse me, which exam room is Bella Swan in?" I asked the closest nurse, but I was unclear on her name. I think she was new.

"She's in Exam Room 1. Be gentle with her, and don't mention the Cullens. I made that mistake already." The unknown nurse then turned and walked away. What did she mean about not mentioning the Cullens? Was Bella still upset about the way Edward left her in the forest?

Still thinking about what the nurse said I walked into the room with Bella in it. I was shocked at how tired she looked! She must have lost at least 20 pounds and she was a small girl to begin with. I can't believe how frail she looked. Those circles under her eyes were so dark that I might have confused her for one of Carlisle's kids.

After the initial shock faded, I grew more concerned. Hopefully she didn't see how upset I was over here appearance as I hid my face behind her folder. Hmm, her symptoms were very common; cramps, nausea, aches and pains and insomnia. Could Bella be pregnant?

I decided to be delicate when asking teenagers about this. Most of the time they got defensive and asked if I was implying that they slept around, actually they usually yelled at me and when their parent left the room asked me to keep their secret.

"Now, Bella, I don't want you to take this the wrong way. But I think that it's a very big possibility for you to be pregnant?" Wow, no shouting. But she did look pale and confused. That part wasn't shocking to me, they always looked a little confused at first. Then Bella started talking so calmly that I was then really shocked.

"Um, I don't think it is possible but we could check. It's just a little confusing, because I was only ever with one person once. And, he can't have children; he was sick as a child and was told that he was sterile." Huh. That's strange, not the parts about Bella letting me do the test but that her eyes started watering and she hugged herself tighter every time she said he.

Was that nurse right? Is the subject of the Cullens really that touchy? Mental note to self, don't prod Bella about who the father is. It's obviously Edward Cullen. Maybe that's why the family left Forks, Edward knocked up Bella and obviously didn't want the commitment. No, that doesn't make sense; how would Edward know when Bella didn't.

**1 Hour Later – Still Dr. Snow's POV**

Bella was now laying down in the exam room, dressed in one of our very flattering paper dresses. I was just turning on the ultrasound machine so we could find out what was happening with the pregnancy I had just confirmed. For her part, Bella was handling this better than I thought she would. Instead of loud sobs she just silently cried and asked me one of the hardest questions I've ever been asked.

"Why did he leave?" Those were the only words she spoke in between her tears which were still rolling down her face. I could handle the screaming, I could handle wailing but I cannot handle this silence. She shouldn't have to endure this alone. I barely even knew this boy and I'm mad at him. He should be taking responsibility for his actions.

When I turned on the monitor on I thought that I should immediately see the baby. I was in the right place and every thing. Oh no, that's not good. I'm hoping that I'm wrong and this isn't what I think it is. Why didn't I listen to the little voice in my head to look past the pregnancy diagnosis and notice that Bella also reported light to moderate vaginal bleeding. After a few moments of nervous looking I finally found what I was looking for and hoped never to find.

How do I tell Bella that she would never see her baby alive, that this was an ectopic pregnancy and that she would need surgery to remove the fetus? If only she had

Come in to the hospital sooner we could have just given her an injection to make her body absorb the baby. After all this stuff happened to her why couldn't she just be like other teenage girls and have a normal pregnancy? Bella just had to be different. Carlisle was right when he called her a danger magnet.

"Bella, honey I have some bad news. I'm sorry but we're going to have to remove the fetus. Since you are over 18 we don't have to tell Charlie if you don't want too. This can stay a secret if you want." I hated telling her anything but good news. Never have I wanted a baby to be healthy this much before.

"What do you mean? What's wrong with my baby? Can't you fix it?" Bella's hand flew to her still flat stomach. She was already protecting the baby that she had just found out about an hour ago. What did she do to deserve this?

"It's an ectopic pregnancy. That means that the baby is growing outside of the womb. There is nothing that can be done to prevent this so don't blame yourself. This is not your fault. I wish I had better news for you. I really do." Crap. I can't cry in front of a patient. This is unprofessional Tanya, I have to keep my cool.

"How will you, get rid of my baby? I mean, is it a surgery or something? How long do I have to stay home for?" I can't handle this! She's trying to ask questions and hide her emotions. Bella has such an open, innocent face. I don't want to hurt her like this. But I have to, it's my job.

"Because you waited so long to come in we'll have to use surgery. The method we'll be using based on the measurements of the fetus is called a laparoscopy. It involves a small incision on beside your belly button. It shouldn't be too noticeable, only about a half an inch long or so. Some people have nicknamed laparoscopy the band-aid surgery. The incision can be covered up with a normal sized bandage." She has no idea how hard it is for me to speak in clinical terms. I just want to reach out and hug her. Bella has extraordinary courage, I wish I was half as strong as her.

"When can you do the surgery?" I think I can persuade Dr. Hamilton to do the surgery on her day off. She would understand my need for rush. I would ask her to do it today but it's her 5th anniversary.

"I'll go call the doctor who will be doing the operation. Can I leave you alone for a little while?"

"Um, would it be ok if you could give me one of those ultrasound pictures? Just to remember the baby by?" That was the least she could have asked me to have done. I only wish there was something more I could do.

"Yes, yes of course. I'll get right on that. But first let me make arrangements with the surgeon." Quickly I left the room, I needed to think and call Sharon. I don't think she'll mind coming in on her day off.

**A/N. Ok…No flames please. This just randomly popped into my head while I was cooking supper tonight. Let me know if you like, love or hate. **


	6. The Beginning of The End

**Disclaimer – I own nothing. Because if I owned the books I would have made a much more graphic sex scene in Breaking Dawn. Haha. **

**Bella POV (The day after her unfortunate visit with Dr. Snow)**

This was one of the worst moments of my life. It's second only to that day in the forest. I thought that nothing would ever come close to that kind of pain. But like usual, I was wrong.

Last night I drove straight to the, his house not thinking clearly, or course no one would be home. I had to do something to keep Alice from coming out here. I know that she had probably seen this already. The only way to keep her at home with Jasper is to send her a sign that I'm ok. Also, I needed a way to lie to Alice because she would know that I wasn't ok the instant she saw me or heard my voice.

I stopped my truck in my usual spot next to their house. Slowly I laid my head to rest on the steering wheel. I need time to think about how to stop Alice. Maybe I could write her a note. That's perfect, she'll see me write it and then she will know that I don't want her to come. Of course I'm lying about not wanting her to come. I've been dying to see Alice. I just don't think I could handle her leaving again; that would kill me.

Hastily I snatched up a piece of paper that was lying on the passenger seat of my truck under a notebook. It used to be a piece of an English essay; now it will save me from the pain of loosing Alice again.

In my almost illegible script I wrote :

_Alice,_

_I know you've seen my doctors appointment, you know about the baby and how it has to be removed. Please don't tell Edward, if he knew that he was supposed to be a father and that somehow my body screwed up in a very Bella-like way, I don't want to know what his reaction would be._

_He's always wanted to have a child and this would destroy the last of any good feelings he has towards me. I can't handle loosing that and his love. It would kill me Alice and you know that. _

_I really miss you and if there was anyway for you to come here and not have Edward read your mind about it later I would buy you a plane ticket myself, if I knew where you were. _

_Thank you,_

_Bella_

Hopefully that was enough to deter her. Using a piece of gum that I had just finished chewing the flavor out of I attached the note to the seat of the porch swing where Edward and I had once sat during the days when I was gullible enough to think he loved me. Maybe Alice wouldn't notice the tears that smudged the ink of my letter. Who am I kidding, she knows everything about this.

After I dropped off the letter at the house I made my way home and laid in bed all night, not sleeping or anything. Just sitting and thinking about how my life would be different if the baby could have survived.

I was thinking again when the phone suddenly rang, it was Charlie telling me that he was staying overnight again at Billy Blacks. The fishing was great and they were going to watch the game. I told him no problem and hung up the phone.

Thank goodness the phone rang or else I would have never noticed the time; 2:30 an hour before my appointment with Dr. Hamilton. Might as well make my way down to the hospital, being late wasn't going to change anything. They weren't going to magically find a way to save my baby, Edward's baby.

That was the first time I let myself think his name in more than a month. I can't keep letting my mental barricades down. This is hard enough as it is, without thinking about the father and love of my life.

The roads were a little slick, but that was no problem for my great lump of a truck .I don't really think that a collision would hurt it either, that' show think the metal was. Many deaths could have been prevented if people didn't like going fast and decided to make the vehicles lighter and more aerodynamic.

Unfortunately, even at my trucks forced speed limit of 55 I got to the hospital a good 35 minutes before the operation. Maybe I could meet with this doctor who would end my baby's life with a vacuum.

Dr. Hamilton was a pleasant woman, I thought she was only 33 ish but she surprised me by telling me she was 44. Even though she was a bit on the plump side;she as a very attractive woman who was just celebrating the 5th anniversary of her second marriage.

I don't know what the surgery was like because I was asleep the entire time. All I know is that Sharon, as Dr. Hamilton told me to call her said that it went well with no complications. I was supposed to spend at least 5 days at home and visit a grief counselor.

I didn't need a grief counselor, I knew exactly what the problem was. It was my fault that I'm not still pregnant, my fault that I had to kill Edward's child. There was nobody left to blame but me.

A/N – And now we're back to the present day, where we shall continue with Emmett's POV. Really what happens in between now and here is she stays home from school, Charlie never knows that Bella was pregnant and she continues to blame herself until she decides to kill herself.


	7. The Finding

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, and my name is not Stephenie Meyer.**

**Authors Note: I am sorry that I haven't updated in a while, I know how much I hate it when I read a story and then…no updates. That makes me so mad, so I am mad at myself. One of my readers, who is also one of my best friends was like "Is that Doctor Hamilton based on your mom?" Yes the character is based on my mom, but no she isn't a doctor. **

**On with ze chapter!**

**Emmet's POV**

Bella looked, well to be honest, dead. Her eyes were ringed with blue-ish purple bruises and her skin which was usually pale looked even whiter and blotchy purple and sickly color. I've seen my fair share of corpses, unfortunately but she looked sick. If her chest was moving I hadn't noticed it yet, which isn't a good sign because I have extraordinary vision. I quickly I turned my head to Alice, silently questioning if she had seen anything that would mean Bella was alive.

But she wasn't looking at me, her eyes were tightly closed and she was slightly swaying to an invisible breeze and I knew that she was having a vision. I couldn't tell if it was good or bad because her face was blank, and showed no emotion.

I was just about to go and slap Alice awake from her trance when she finally relaxed and slowly opened her eyes.

"Alice, what did you see? Is Bella all right? What happened, and why did she try to kill herself?" Once I said that Alice's face changed, it looked like I had actually slapped her and that I had for once, guessed correctly.

"Emmett, I shouldn't tell you. Bella didn't want anyone, especially Edward to know and if I tell you you're going to think about it someday and Edward will eventually find out." Ok, that made sense. I had blabbed one or two, okay like 30 secrets to Edward mentally but it wasn't my fault! I can't control my thoughts and when I try to I start thinking of Rose and since Edward doesn't want to see that I try to think of other things. Usually the other things are the things I was supposed to be keeping from him in the first place. I turned back to Alice and saw she wasn't where I last saw her; she was bending over Bella with two fingers on her neck counting slowly to herself.

Before I could ask any questions or think of any questions to ask Alice was snapping out instructions faster than any human could possibly consider hearing.

"Okay Emmett, you grab that towel from the cupboard, not the blue ones cause Charlie would notice those missing. Grab the yellow fluffy ones and rip them into 2 pieces and fold them over in half vertically." I was over to the towel cupboard and folding the towels before Bella had even taken another breath.

This next part would be even more difficult, if Alice was thinking what I was thinking and of course, she was.

"Is it folded?" she looked over quickly than gave a curt nod "Perfect, we must get this over her wrists so they don't have a chance to bleed anymore, you have to hold your breath and be very gently. Try to push the skin back together before you tie it. Also, make sure you don't just tie it like shoe lace, wrap it around multiple times and then pick up one of those safety pins that are on the side of the bath tub." While she gave me those instructions she had already started wrapping the left wrist. Following her lead I gently lifted Bella's poor mutilated wrist and gently wrapped her wrist, careful to put some pressure but also making sure that it wasn't too tight. It wrapped around the frail arm about 7 times and then fastened with two pins.

Alice finished before me, so she went to the cupboard and grabbed another towel. This time it was a fluffy pink bath sheet big enough to wrap around two or three Bella's. More likely three, this Bella had lost weight since I had last seen her and even then she was small. I am nearly 100 percent sure that she could possibly share clothes with Alice if they weren't much too short.

My hands looked huge as I extended them out wards to Bella, taking care to grasp her arms tenderly while still avoiding looking at her body. I love Bella like a sister and I respect her privacy. Once Bella was out of that ice cold water I carefully laid her on the rug that was on t he floor of the bath room; I grabbed the towel and rubbed the droplets of water that clung to her skin away. Hopefully the friction of the fibers from the towel against her skin would warm her up, even minutely.

At that moment Alice returned and took over drying off Bella's more sensitive areas as I looked away. Alice's voice came from behind me, still whispering.

"Can you finish packing her bag? All her personal articles are in the bottom of the duffel bag on her bed. I just need you to put in a few comfortable looking outfits. We both know that Bella would object to me buying her a whole new wardrobe.

This was a job I was comfortable doing; with a nod to Alice I left the room, smoothly closing the bathroom door behind me. The more I see these bare walls the more I realize how much it must have hurt Bella when we, well Edward left. I wish I was able to comfort her but maybe me being here trying to console her would have made things worse.

Sighing, I opened the top dresser drawer which contained, to my chagrin all of Bella's "personal articles" that I had been hoping not to see. The next drawer held t-shirts that Alice would never have bought so I assumed Bella found them comfortable. Most were just high necked one color shirts but buried beneath everything else in a black plastic bag was a dark blue v-neck blouse.

At fist I could not figure out why Bella would hide this shirt when I realized that this was Edward's favorite shirt on her, so reluctantly I folded it back up and stuffed it into her drawer.

It didn't take long to pack a few outfits, the clothes that Bella wore were all one color deals that usually were pale greens or teals. Nothing blue, yellow or pink; there was no life or spark in the wardrobe. I suspected that it was an accurate description of Bella's life without Edward.

With no warning Alice came up behind me; and as I turned to address her she held up one finger in warning.

"I just had a vision." The tone of her voice told me that it wasn't a good one.

"What was it about?" I didn't actually want to know but unfortunately it was probably important and affected what we were doing now. One word was enough to make me panic.

"Charlie" that two syllable word was enough time for me to listen and hear the un-mistakable sound of tires crunching on the loose rocks of a gravel road.

**So I am very sorry that I had to end it like that, one of my longest chapters actually. I enjoyed that chapter, but if you guys didn't and have any ideas there is a magical button on the bottom of this page that will allow you to tell me things…**


	8. The Decision

**Disclaimer: I am not a crook! I shall also not try to steal the masterful works of Stephenie Meyer by claiming them as my own, if I could get away with it I would try but…I can't! Alas! Alack! Woe is me! I also do not own Bring Me To Life by Evanescence**

**Author's Note: I be sorry for not updating my dear friend Taylor…don't hurt me!!**

**Edward's POV**

It has been too long since I have last seen Bella. The only reason that I allow myself to think that name is because I deserve the pain it brings me, everything is my fault. I do not deserve to be near her, after what happened with her when I lost control, let my urges get the best of me.

It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault.

She deserves someone that won't hurt her, that won't be too strong for her human body to handle. Something like me shouldn't exist, I would be better off dead. But I am too weak to kill myself. I could never leave this world knowing that Bella, my sweet Bella, who professed her love for me even after what I did, was still alive. She told me not to kill myself, and I won't. I shall stay in this agony until she dies and when that day comes, I'll end my own life.

On the floor of this Brazilian hovel where I live the sounds of the people living below me come through my floorboards. Last weekend they had a party, I thought that I was going to die. I wish that family had never moved it, this used to be a silent place. Now I think I'm going to have to move on; find a new place in my quest for silence and oblivion.

Today though, they are finally being quiet, most of the others are out at a birthday party, but the teen girl had stayed home. Judging by her thoughts she was listening to music; I think it was an Evanescence song, Bring Me To Life. This song reminded me so much of my relationship with Bella. Any more of this and I'll have to go back to her.

_How can you see into my eyes  
like open doors.  
Leading you down into my core  
where I've become so numb.  
Without a soul  
my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold  
until you find it there and lead it back home._

Wake me up.  
Wake me up inside.  
I can't wake up.  
Wake me up inside.  
Save me.  
Call my name and save me from the dark.  
Wake me up.  
Bid my blood to run.  
I can't wake up.  
Before I come undone.  
Save me.  
Save me from the nothing I've become.

Now that I know what I'm without  
you can't just leave me.  
Breathe into me and make me real  
Bring me to life.

Bring me to life.  
I've been living a lie  
There's nothing inside.  
Bring me to life.

Frozen inside without your touch,  
without your love, darling.  
Only you are the life among the dead.

All of this sight  
I can't believe I couldn't see  
Kept in the dark  
but you were there in front of me

I've been sleeping a 1000 years it seems.  
I've got to open my eyes to everything.

Without a thought  
Without a voice  
Without a soul

Don't let me die here  
There must be something wrong.  
Bring me to life.

Bring me to life.  
I've been living a lie  
There's nothing inside.

Bring me to life

I have to go back.

**Author's Note – **And that was my pathetic attempt at Edward's POV. I didn't spend much time describing what is around him. There isn't very much there. Just a crappy apartment and Edward. I also apologize for not updating in…ever. Haha


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